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Back in the 90's, I had a massage from a male masseuse in Hot Springs, Arkansas.  Big, burly black guy named Robert.  In a prior career he was a trainer for light-heavyweight boxers, which is where he learned the massage craft.

It wasn't just the massage, it was the regime that preceded it.  First, they immerse you for 20-30 minutes in a hot mineral-water bath piped straight from an underground spring at 102 degrees.  It loosens you up a lot.  Then you spend 5 minutes in what's called a "needle shower," which is a jet of cool water at high pressure.  It cools you down from the hot mineral bath.

From there you go to a steam box for 5 minutes.  Loosens you up even more after the needle shower.  After the steam, you drape a sheet around yourself and lay down for 10-15 minutes on a cool-down table.  Once you've cooled, the masseuse comes in and does his magic for about 45 minutes.

After the massage, you take a normal shower and dress.  By then, you don't feel like you're walking anymore, it's like you're floating 6 inches off the ground.  So you head to the adjoining bar for a cold beer.  Best beer you'll ever taste.  You're so loose, the beer-buzz hits immediately from your throat to the soles of your feet.  Wonderful.

I don't know about now, but in the 90's about half the male masseuses in Hot Springs were gay.  My masseuse, Robert, was a straight guy, about 45 years old.  My buddy Danny, who was on the table next to me, got a young 20-something gay masseuse named Dusty.  Dusty had sculpted, brush-dried red hair, an immaculately trimmed red mustache, and a diamond stud in his left earlobe.

Apparently Dusty knew his craft as well as Robert, because Danny came into the bar right after me just as loose as a goose.  We sat there and kind of melted on the barstools while sipping ice-cold amber.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat -- don't care whether the masseuse is gay, straight, or a switch-hitter.

I am so glad that Deep shared this story, because it reminds me of a visit to the gyno I had back in the 90's. I had an exam from a female Ob-Gyn in Austin, Texas.  A sweet, rounded woman named Dr. Ellison.  In a prior career she was a bikini waxer, which is where she first learned her way around a vagina.

It wasn't just the exam, it was the regime that preceded it.  First, they ask you a lot of personal questions like what age you were when you first started doing it.  It loosens you up a lot.  Then you spend 5 minutes getting into a paper gown and putting your feet in the "stirrups," which is so the doc can more easily access your vagina.  The KY Jelly cools you down and helps you get ready for the real action to come.

From there you the doctor inserts the speculum and swabs your cervix.  Loosens you up even more!  After the exam, you get to cool down for a minute.  Once you've cooled, the nurse comes and escorts you to the mammography room.  There another woman flattens your breasts on a table, squashes them, and takes pictures.

After the mammogram, you go behind the curtain and dress.  By then, you don't feel like you're walking anymore, because you've been violated and squished (but by very pleasant women).  So you head to the waiting room and fish an advil out of your purse.  Best advil you'll ever taste.  You're so sore, the advil hits immediately from your beat up boobs to your tired hoo ha.  Wonderful.

I don't know about now, but in the 90's about half the female Ob-Gyns in Austin were gay.  My doctor, Jane, was a straight woman, about 45 years old.  My buddy Dana, who weirdly had a gyno visit at the same time as me, got a young 20-something gay doctor named Brittany.  Brittany had sculpted, brush-dried red hair, immaculately trimmed fingernails, and diamond studs in her earlobes.  You would think that it would be weird that I would remember those details from a buddy gyno visit fifteen years ago, but apparently not.

Apparently Brittany knew her craft as well as Jane, because Dana came into the waiting room right after me just as loose as a goose.  We sat there and kind of melted on the institutional chairs while downing advil.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat -- don't care whether the gyno is gay, straight, or a switch-hitter.

Thank you all for reading my cool story.

If I had a nickel for every time I went to my fridge in college to get half a bottle of wine, I'd have 0 nickels

This is GREAT news!  The profanity-synonym filter reminded me to ask:  Are you familiar with Craig James and his stubborn unwillingness to deny association with certain activities that may or may not have occurred in Dallas while he was attending SMU for which there is still no evidence?

I've heard some stories about Craig James....however I will not comment on them due to respect for a quintet of hard working women who tried their best to make money in whatever ways they could.

I am worried that Obama will make GP the next Secretary of Defense...

Do you need the rest of us for this thread? Looks like you got it under control.

Playing varsity hoops at a prominent 5A program in 1990, my coach one day proclaims that "if god came down to visit me and said you only have 2 minutes to live, I would ask god to spend those last 2 minutes watching women's basketball".

We all look puzzled and confused, and finally, after a long silence, we ask WHY coach?

He simply says "because that would be the longest 2 minutes of my life".

Creighton should stay in the Missouri Valley.

Oh it is.  It is prohibitively expensive to relocate somewhere else.

Family and instability with the jets franchise. Our family is close to some of Kerley's family, so we get the inside scoop on his career (not to mention access to some pretty sweet Kerley memorobilia). He doesn't feel guaranteed a spot so he spends the majority of his time on his professional career, trying to improve his skills and show that he is a franchise player. The majority of his family want him traded though. Can't blame them. Whatever time he has left over he spends raising his kid, leaving little time for trips back to TCU.

On the sidelines, that guy constantly looked like he was trying to divide 593 by toaster.

                                        1.                            pingponger                

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a gay person of the Asian persuasion                
Yo, Allen is a total pingponger so watch your hole homes.

Please remove the "share on" links next time. Scrolling on my phone and I accidentally hit the "share on Facebook" link and I may have immediately crapped my pants. It only re-directed me to their website this time, thank goodness, but I'd prefer if I didn't have my grandmother thinking I spend my free time looking up gay Asian slang for funsies, just because my IPhone can't handle my fat fingers.

Until I see what they can do, they're all Paper Tigers.  All of em.

I like the Rangers model. Let the others (Angels a prime example) over pay for players past their prime. Sure, the Rangers signed some players to large contracts, but they are all young players who have their prime years in front of them. JD actually is pretty good at what he does. And the farm system remains loaded.

I kind of regret never tending bar. That, and never bedding an Asian woman.

Prus 4.

Where did Jesus say in Greek that internet porn is sinful?

1st Letter of Paul to the Masturbicians........

Holy cow!  I had no idea there was such an issue here (assuming it is more than just Top Frog). I've only seen one 'complaint' prior to today, but a fw people who liked it. If its a big deal, I have no problem removing it.

Now, Top Frog....

Your childish comments reveal *much* more about you than they do me. You could have messaged me and asked me about it, and as a moderator, to consider removing it. But you  found that kind of approach distasteful, and chose to express uourself ia a manner more akin to a middle school playground.

In any case, I'll remove the mis-aligned cup (yes, that is what it is) gif later today.

FYI ksu has like 6 returning starters this year. 30 graduated/declared from the 2012 team.

Hey, I'm curious, how many returning starters does KSU have this year?

I need to go later next time.

I was thinking about you the other day, Hefley.  I typically don't engage other school fans on KF.c, but I appreciate the perspective, and will read the arguments, etc.  I got to thinking about you, Old Freak Nasty, Guerin rules, Baylor Dan, Balding Bear, Sooner Bred, WorthAg, BYU Hog, Houston Veer, and some others that show up game weeks.

I'm glad you come on here and vociferously brag, defend, argue, accuse and generally support your favorite team.

Thefatidiot, on the other hand, simply ruins the experience on this board for many.

Godspeed.

Lets upset Pacific tonight! Wooooooo

Solid "Haha" post. I've realized that the KFC board has its own "where's waldo" game in the form of Riggs "Haha" or deadspin article posts. It may be hard to find, but there's always one or the other, and sometimes both, just about every single day.

Not that I mind, it keeps me pretty entertained.

Y'all are giving me a "haha" complex. I've been using more "Likes" but I'm trying not to overdo those as well... it's a fine line I'm trying to walk here. Stop Internet critiquing me!